yeah... so uhm...

I've been having some weird dreams lately....

Not like roomba of doom dreams or anything

but like really random dreams that i dont understand...
until the next day...

when they come true...



seriously.
for like two weeks or more.

its starting to creep me out...

and ive been having some crazy moments of intuition too.
where i just know something is gonna happen.
and it usually does.


its really weird...
o.O


and the weird part is...
i have a feeling these dreams...
are just minor ones...
leading up to a really really REALLY
big dream.
thats gonna change a lot of things.
like a dream thats really gonna mean something in my life.
but idk what it is or when it will happen
just that it is...
its scary...

In the end...

I jumped.
and....

I landed on my own two feet.
no somersaults
no backhandsprings
no tumbles twists or turns

i just.
landed.

and right now...
I know it might bother me a bit.
but im really happy about that.

i dont think that i wouldve wanted to land any other way.



like i said before...
there is always hope.
especially for the hopeless :]

I remember...

when i was little
i used to love going to the playground

id always run straight to the swings.
i loved the feeling of going higher and higher
like i was flying above the park.
and when i felt confident enough
id jump and manage a perfect landing onto the wooden chips

but as i got older
i became wary.
i would be afraid that i would fall if i went too high
or swung to fast
i was even afraid of going so high that id spin over the top like in the cartoons

lately though,
ive been flying again
higher and higher still
and that euphoria of being suspended midair waiting to land
suddenly hit me
i realize now that i didnt think things through
i didnt calculate my jump.
nor did i see where i could land.


the truth is ive already jumped
and fallen.
oh ive fallen far.

but what if there are no chips for my perfect landing?

the real question is:
will i make it?
will i land on my feet?
or will i crash and land with a bruised knee and an even more bruised ego?


i guess only time will tell...


leave it to me to take a silly childhood memory
and make it an extended metaphor for everything thats been happening :p

...and baby, I'm no longer afraid...<3

lol. okay so thats a complete and utter lie.

I'm terrified.
I think I made the same mistake all over again.

I feel like I opened up Pandora's box and everything has been released once more

but at least theres hope.

There is always hope.
even for the hopeless.