Uhm...it smells like sunblock in this classroom

Seriously
I'm thinking SPF 35 :p

So I sent in my spplication for the University of Rochester last night
Just gotta mail in a form and call them later for some random stuff...

Bah
I'm scccaarrreeddd :p
Hahaha

But oh well

Idk
I'll figure something out

And omg this kid in my class is madd annoying

*sigh*

that last phrase

sounded like a great story intro

:p

or maybe a catch phrase for INFERNO

As for what i want for this world.

I cannot stress enough how much i feel that we are so far fallen

i gave up on all things political a long time ago.

as for the election

lets face it

it doesnt matter who wins

we cant get out of this shithole situation just yet

its virtually impossible to fix everything overnight

no matter who is in office.

we have to realize that as for this whole world

we need change now.

I know ive talked to people about how the whole Mayan prediction for apocalypse is on Dec. 21st 2012

well honestly.

i dont believe in the whole sunshowers/world will explode idea

[[thats sooo Y2K]]

but if we dont start changing things now

we'll implode.

and that is the honest truth

we as a race,

will collapse from the inside out.

and something big IS gonna happen

i can feel it

its kinda scary

i dont know what it is

or if it is.

but i know that one day the world will wake up and realize

that we have to start thinking as a whole again

no more individualistic selfcentered focus

because sure its all good to be in tune with ourselves

[[im not saying thats a bad thing at all]]

im just saying that we not only need to focus on us but everyone and everything around us

think about it.

its gonna be hard to focus on yourself

when you have nothing around you.

[Does that make me hypocritical?]

when the world as you know it collapses

where will you be?

trying to save it?

or trying to save yourself?

We drove into a great sunset...and lived a life with no regrets.

[["Don't Wait" -Hit the Lights]]

so i guess i've decided that i want a lot for my life

in every aspect i know what i would like to have

If you havent already realized

i want [[more than anything]] to be a writer

i want to go to the University of Rochester.

i want to live a full life

i would die if i had a nine to five job

i cant sit in an office all day

i want so much for myself

i want happiness with someone i know i can spend the rest of my life with

[[which bytheway is kind of a stretch right now]]

ive been told that what i want isnt possible

isnt logical

isnt practical

isnt safe

isnt even close to right

isnt isnt isnt

but i dont want to be

logical

practical

safe

or right.

Its not IMPOSSIBLE

its I'M POSSIBLE.

i want to do whatever i think will make me happy

i want to travel

i want to do whatever it takes to find myself even more than i have.

and i honestly dont think i can have a "traditional job"

can you imagine me in a cubicle all day?

i would die of boredom

i used to want to be a lawyer or a marketing exec

but then one morning i woke up and realized that if i did any of that

i would be miserable

i would be 30 years old

hopped up on zoloft and absolutely hating my life.

hating my job

and i dont think i could be that way.

i would regret not writing

and i would miss it dearly

and most people honestly dont understand that

i write because it keeps me alive.

its kept me alive this long

it makes me feel whole.

and if its the only way i can find that

then goddammit ill do it.

im scared.

i wont lie.

im fucking terrified

but as the song goes

I cant wait for the sun to rise

I'll never know until i try

We make mistakes

And learn through time

We all grow old

We live.

We die.

We live.

[[ "Dont Wait" -Hit the Lights]]

I have nothing honest to say, but every lie to tell.

Yeah you like that title

:p
I really have nothing important to talk of
I just feel like writing

I'm in a creative mood right now
Idky but I have the urge to just write or color or draw

I'm sooo hyped
My Hit the Lights tickets came in yesterday and I'm so excited!!!
Btw:
Epic countdown of epic proportions has started
30days!!!
(Til my 17th birthday)

I'm excited :D

Honestly...

i am going fuckin insane
its just getting really ridiculous now

i cant even focus on how to write my english term paper
(something thats usually extremely easy for me)

im not paying attention to anyone im with
or whatever other people are saying to me.

and honestly i have no idea why.
its starting to piss me the fuck off

its 50 billion times worse than A.D.D
because its not that random

its all revolved around one particular person
and im seriously sick of it

aldfjafnoiaewfokianfov
:[

Dear Diary,

Mood of the moment: kinda lonely.

And honestly a bit sad...
Once again I'm at my grandma's and once again my grandparents are fighting.

[[Little culture note: lola=grandma & lolo=grandpa in filipino]]

I seriously think that my lola is really lonely since my lolo has been dedicating his time to fixing "his house"
I really think that one of the reasons why she wants me to stay over so much is that it MAKES him stay here...because "honestly lolo...how will I get to school...lola can't drive!!"
I guess in a way its good because he never says no to me but still either way they end up in some kinda fight and being as though my room is right above theirs it sure does make for some great background noise...

Plus everytime I'm here I get trapped into talking to my lola's sister "B"
Which I don't mind, don't get me wrong, I love her a lot
But I haven't seen her in almost 10years!!
And everytime I talk to her she always promises to come back to the states but she does nothing about it
"If God wills it baby...ill come"
That's what she says all the time and I'm sick of it! I miss her so much and she's missed a lot of things in my life...
She promised to be here by my graduation but I highly doubt she will unless God himself decends from the heavens to personally escort her!
Ugh! Its frustrating!!!
What happened to her?? She was always so strongminded
Always a fighter but now when I talk to her she sounds timid
That's one of the main reasons I don't wanna go to the PI to visit. I'm afraid the woman there isn't even close to the one that left.
And that's what makes me really sad.

As for the lonely part?
Fitting or not its impossible
He's not here
Too goddamn bad. That's it. I'm starting to give up you know? Besides from what I can hear going on downstairs...
If that's what almost 40years of love and marriage bring then...idk.

All I know is I don't want to be miserable when I'm old
I want to be happy and loved and know that whomever I will be with won't need an excuse to be with me (like a granddaughter calling for a ride to school).

Does that seem logical and realistic to you?
I hope so

And hopefully,
It'll come true...
Eventually.