Dear Diary,

Mood of the moment: kinda lonely.

And honestly a bit sad...
Once again I'm at my grandma's and once again my grandparents are fighting.

[[Little culture note: lola=grandma & lolo=grandpa in filipino]]

I seriously think that my lola is really lonely since my lolo has been dedicating his time to fixing "his house"
I really think that one of the reasons why she wants me to stay over so much is that it MAKES him stay here...because "honestly lolo...how will I get to school...lola can't drive!!"
I guess in a way its good because he never says no to me but still either way they end up in some kinda fight and being as though my room is right above theirs it sure does make for some great background noise...

Plus everytime I'm here I get trapped into talking to my lola's sister "B"
Which I don't mind, don't get me wrong, I love her a lot
But I haven't seen her in almost 10years!!
And everytime I talk to her she always promises to come back to the states but she does nothing about it
"If God wills it baby...ill come"
That's what she says all the time and I'm sick of it! I miss her so much and she's missed a lot of things in my life...
She promised to be here by my graduation but I highly doubt she will unless God himself decends from the heavens to personally escort her!
Ugh! Its frustrating!!!
What happened to her?? She was always so strongminded
Always a fighter but now when I talk to her she sounds timid
That's one of the main reasons I don't wanna go to the PI to visit. I'm afraid the woman there isn't even close to the one that left.
And that's what makes me really sad.

As for the lonely part?
Fitting or not its impossible
He's not here
Too goddamn bad. That's it. I'm starting to give up you know? Besides from what I can hear going on downstairs...
If that's what almost 40years of love and marriage bring then...idk.

All I know is I don't want to be miserable when I'm old
I want to be happy and loved and know that whomever I will be with won't need an excuse to be with me (like a granddaughter calling for a ride to school).

Does that seem logical and realistic to you?
I hope so

And hopefully,
It'll come true...
Eventually.