I am so happy :D

Today was...
so beautiful.

I woke up early
[[i seem to do that a lot on weekends.]]
and i went out with my mom for a bit.

and at around 5ish
i met up with Joanna and my little brother
:]

You have no idea how happy it made me
to see her.
to see my brother.
God, he has grown sooo much
and his Autism is a lot more controlled.
[[Maybe its the Gluten-free diet?]]
he speaks a lot more
and he's calmer.

I cannot believe he's going to be 8 this year.
but he was just so happy to see me!
he hugged me and held my hand
i guess what im trying to get to
is that he remembered me
and that i loved him

thats all he said
when i first saw him
"I love Amanda. I love my sister. Sister loves me...."
it made me want to cry.

He is such a blessing<333

and Joanna
i missed her a lot.
its kinda weird to see her.
i mean. since she and my father divorced.

how do you explain that to people
"Well, uh, she's my...well...my dad's...no. my brother...uhm half? brother. no i mean. uhmm....shes my Joanna."
thats just it.
she's Joanna
she's like a second mother and a best friend
i guess thats what she's always been to me.
my friend
i could tell her anything.
and she the same.
and to sit with her and talk for 3hours?
was just so...
it felt soo good.

I missed her.
and my brother.
and all i kept thinking is
i cant believe theyre here
it was like a dream almost.
and what a wonderful dream it was
even better was that it was real.

we talked about everything.
work. school. Julius. everything.

I hope we can do this again soon.

i just...
i need to find a way to talk to my dad now.
i need to fix that.
and i know i say it a lot.
i just.
idk.
i need to...i guess suck it up and just talk to him.
soon.

not now.
but soon.