lalala

bahh
hes sleeping over again
=(


anyyywayyy

happy birthday mommy
and uncle nino!!

<3


today is a good day

Yay Law & Order SVU!!
^_^

&&on the cold wet dirt i cried

im going absolutely insane!
okay so remember how my iPod mini was stolen?

its been driving me crazy
cuz i really really loved that thing
i mean it was a birthday present to me from my uncle
on my 13th birthday
and it meant soo much to me

and so i spent all evening trying to find all the money i have stashed away
i found $200 cash (195=dollars 5=change)

and i need the $15 tax

and i cant stand it
cuz if you dont know this about me then you dont know me at all

1. i HATE asking people for anything
2. i HATE EVEN MORE asking for money
3. i know how hard you have to work to get what you want and i hate to just ask for it

i hate that i asked my mom to help me buy it
and it drives me crazy that i made this stupid deal to clean the whole house for it
not because i have to clean but because now shes gonna think that whatever i do i have an underlying motive for doing it
and i dont want that

i feel terrible enough as it is

plus on the selfish side

i hate that her boyfriend's sleeping over.
i mean i know that nothing happens and i know hes a great person
but my God it drives me crazy because i want to spend time with her like we used to
but i dont wanna get in the way
and i dont wanna hurt her
and i dont want her to feel like she has to choose between me and him
she doesnt
but i still feel awful

and tomorrow's her birthday
and i didnt get her anything
and i know that i threw her that party
but i still feel so ashamed to ask her for anything especially the $15
but im going crazy

i dont wanna tell her any of this
especially not in front of Vincent
and i hate that they make fun of how much i need this money
and how much i love the music that i do
[being fall out boy]
and i hate how they tease me all the time for it

but think about it
if i made fun of everything they stood for
id be
inconsiderate
disrespectful
ungrateful
ignorant
and many other big words that i hate


im being selfish
uggghh i really cant stand him being here now
i swear it drives me up a wall

bahhh
way to slam my door mom
and yours

asdfghjkl;'
qwertyuiop[\
zxcvbnm,./

i just went off on one of my good friends that ive known for like ever
and i feel terrible
i just sorta
pissed off at him
=(
sorry georgeyporgey<3

ahhhhh
im such a fucking bitch!
i really do feel terrible
and my mom is telling me to sleep
but i cant sleep now
not when i feel this bad

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

garb!
blurrrslnaifgen
aoiheabg
and whyyy are you online
and whyyy all of a sudden you wanna be friends
and whyyy now
why why why why why

what the hell is the matter with the fucking people in this world
i mean i know im not great
and i know im not perfect either
but sometimes
people just piss me the fuck off

askehaoignea
whats also bugging me is that i know at some point you'd probably read this
[or maybe not w/e]
then id have something else
to feel absolutely horrible about

i cant win can i
bah!


and i have finals tomorrow
my bio exam
whoopee
i have no idea what im gonna do for that
im not at all ready
and its just another reason for miss bill to bitch
but at least after tomorrow i wont ever have to see her or hear her again

wow thats harsh

at least its raining
really hard
and that makes me somewhat happy
happier than ive been

i should really go to sleep now
i dont want to
but i should
or im gonna
majorly regret it tomorrow

goodnightblueskiesandworldsofgrey
goodnighttothememoriesthatwontfadeaway
goodnighttothemoonandforwishingonstars
goodnightandiloveyou
fromthebottomofmyhallowhardenedheart

[wow i should make that a song]

IRONY

thought id share the irony of listening to careless whisper while reading old messages from certain people

hahahahhahahahaa

tonight the music seems so loud
i wish that we could lose this crowd
maybe its better this way
we'dhurteachotherwiththethingswewanttosay
we could've been so good together
we could've danced this dance forever
but now whos gonna dance with me
pleeeaaassseee stay

i used to love that song when i was like 10 and id sing that part all day
hahahahaha

wow...
irony in its truest form

hahahahahahahahhahahahahaha

thought id share that with the world

i know youre only blinding to keep back what the clouds are hiding

The Carpal Tunnel of Love [Fall Out Boy]

We take sour sips from life's lush lips
And we shake, shake, shake the hips in relationships
Stomp out this disaster town
You'll put your eyes to the sun and say, "I know you're only blinding to keep back what the clouds are hiding."
And we might've started singing just a little soon
We're throwing stones at a glass moon
Whoa oh, we're so miserable and stunning
Whoa oh, love songs for the genuinely cunning, whoa-oh
We keep the beat with your blistered feet
And we bullet the words at the mockingbirds singing
Slept through the weekend and dreaming
Of sinking with the melody off the cliffs of eternity
Got postcards from my former selves saying: "How've you been?"
We might've said goodbyes just a little soon
(Stomp out this disaster town)
Robbing lips, kissing banks under this moon
Whoa oh, we're so miserable and stunning
Whoa oh, love songs for the genuinely cunning
Whoa oh, we're so miserable and stunning
Whoa oh, love songs for the genuinely cunning, ohh…
It was ice cream headaches and sweet avalanche
When the pearls in our shells got up to dance
You call me a bad tipper of the cradle
But I'm just tired yawns for fawns on hunter's lawns
We're the has-beens of husbands
Sharpening the knives of young wives
Take two years and call me when you're better Take tears of mine, find yourself wetter
Whoa oh, we're so miserable and stunning
Whoa oh, love songs for the genuinely cunning
Whoa oh, we're so miserable and stunning
Whoa oh, love songs for the genuinely cunning

i just love that song so i thought id share it with you<3

i love to write lyrics of songs i love in random things
[if you havent noticed that yet your pretty much blind or illiterate]
sorry to sound "harsh" ha ha

anyway i feel like writing today
but i dont know what i wanna write
so im just gonna write whatever comes to mind

i mean dont get me wrong i miss you and all but shouldnt i be more careful?

oops one of those things you just dont wanna hear?
ha ha
im so sorry...but not really
lalalala hmmmmm hey wait a second.

i just realized no one comments me so no one reads this :(
oh well haha

not that it should matter much
so much for a lasting imprint

ooohhh do i detect bitterness in me i think i do

oh no!
lalalala

hmmmm....
maybe i shouldnt write whats on my mind right now

might cause some trouble

call in the white coats again! shes crazy

i detect some dark depressing thoughts in the making
oohhhh
better stop now before someone gets hurt

first rule about fight club
dont talk about fight club
first rule abut project mayhem
dont ask questions
and finally:
self destruction maybe the answer
you met me at a weird time in my life

bababa
its weird what you decide to remember in times like these
hahaha...i wasnt even paying attention to that movie
it was actually pretty good though...weird but really good

we took a back road were gonna look at the stars

vince is here fixing my door...
i shall supervise
lol

listening to the killers now<3333
luff right thurr
my eye itches
thought id share

[blindingbindingforgottenforgivenlostlooselove.]

sound familiar?
ha!
wow how odd...
i havent heard this song in so long
i never really missed it until now

Take Me Out of the Dark
-Gary Valenciano

blah blah
i have so much to say to you
but nothing do verbalize

&&i saw God cry in the reflection of my enemies

&&all the lovers with no time for me
&&all of the mothers raise their babies to stay away from me
&&pray they dont come up to me

im in and odd mood
everythings great and all
but idk...

ive been scared alot lately
of nothing
or rather things you would think is nothing
listening to random music

im cold but not really
[spread lies like these]
so yeah...


time to be cryptic.
spread out into nothing and searching for everything in me

wow that sounded really emo
hahaha...i just typed whatever came to mind first
i have a very emo mind
hahahahah

[the only thing i havent done yet is die and its me and my plus one in the afterlife]

i dont know
just felt like quoting things
so yeah.

first day of finals today
borrrinnnggg

first final: how to sleep in study hall for 2 hrs without cramping up or snoring (ha ha)
i think i passed that one
second final: concert choir
^_^ i think i really did well on that one

this world seems like some groggy dreamland today
its all so weird
3daysleft
and then the summertime
what will i do this summer

its one of those nothingwilleverbethesameagain moments
yeah
one of thossseeeee...

im listening to luther vandross
why?
cuz i can
lol

[if he could only read her mind she'd say:
buy me a rose
call me from work
open a door for me what would it hurt
show me you love me by the look in your eyes
these are the little things i need most in my life]

i love that song<3
*sigh*
anywayyyzzzz....
hahaha yeah gary valenciano
<333
right after luther vandross

niccceeeee
anyway...
im not making any sense am i?
oh well
haha

I DONT CARE!

:P

feeling a bit accomplished
why?
i have no fucking clue
hahaha
oh wells...its such a nice day outtt

ever have those moments
where you just hit that perfect high note...
mmmm hmmm
one of thoseeee<3

[l1k3 z0mq! n0 waiiz!]

its already the end of the school year!
its crazzyyyy
im gonna be a junior now

its sooo scary!
i cant believe it

this year has been sooooo weird
friends
no friends
love
no love
crazy
more crazy
parrtttyyy
tears
fears
lies
alibis
stupid stuff
lots more stupid sutff

im gonna miss these seniors...not as much as i miss the class of 06 but you know what idk

i cant beLIEve it
last year::

[We were merely freshman]

this year::

[Sophomore Slump/Comeback of the Year]

i dont want this to end.
im sooo scared of whats to come

but most of all
as much as i thought i hated it here
i cant be anywhere else!

=|

[&&at that moment i swear. we were infinite]

"wake me up before you go go.."

good news!
my aunt is in labor!!!
=D
(pics soon?)

and and and
its my brother's 6th birthday tomorrow!!!
=D

but but but
its also the honda civic tour tomorrow
and i forgot to buy tickets
so i wont get to see fall out boy for a while
*sigh* i really wanted to go

oh wellzzz


YAY FOR NEW BABIES!

this is me and my semi new glasses...thought i could use una pictura here! =D

my nightmare pt 2

so yeah anyway
that dream scared the crap outta me
all of my worst nightmares lately
have been school shootings

i had a dream a few months ago
and im in a room (which looks like the one mom and i rented in maryland)
and im reading Time magazine and the front cover has a picture of someone but theyre covered up in like a blanket
the caption says "if you know this person do not go to school tomorrow"
i open to the title story and i see a picture
of someones eyes.

the eyes were the scariest because they were so afraid. too much fear and anger and rage.
the story says that this person will be killed or was killed in a school shooting that takes place tomorrow
and it scares me

i look at the picture again
and i realize they are my eyes

and i woke up
to this day i still get scared when i think of that picture.