*sigh*

just got home from work

madd tirreedd :[
and i smell like food :x

hahaha



oh and btw







my life never fails to get weirder and weirder
with every single minute...

I have come to the conclusion

That I am
Completely and utterly


INSANE

And therefore

Beyond STUPID

On top of that

Ridiculously DELUSIONAL


Til the point where I am


Incredibly HOPEFUL





But mostly stupid and insane and delusional











Yeah...
Let's go with that

Just a small town girl...

living in a lonely worrlllddddd....

omg im sooo happy to be home

Ahh tsss push ittt

Its strange
It feels like just yesterday
We were merely freshmen

Then we spent
All our time
Trying to figure out
Are we growing up?
Or
Just going down?

As time passed
What didn't kill us
Only made us stronger

And now
There's no such thing

Try to figure out what I mean
And ill love you forever

Hahaha

Oh God

One of these dayyyyssss Aliceee






Zip
Boom
Straight to moon

Everythings moving so fast...

For the next four days i will be out
with Ate Mar, George, & AJ
touring some colleges/universities
in the NE area


I've been kinda freaking out all day about it
I know its a good experience and I really dont mind being with them
plus it gets me out of the house

but still
I registered for my SATs today
[[it went through i made sure of it]]

so now im just sorta printing out information on all the schools i want to go
[[Basically anything that has an amazing English Section]]
and all the schools that we're going to this week

its kinda overwhelming

im not gonna lie
but i guess i do have to grow up sometime

i just dont want to right now...

I wonder if its like this for everyone
alot of people i know say it is
but im not sure if im exactly ready you know?


oh God
i guess now is the time
now more than ever

we'll see...

Fool me once. Shame on you.

Fool me twice. Shame on me.
Fool me Three times. Watch your back.

i have known you for so long
and to think that i have been defending you for all this time
just pisses me the fuck off


and its funny now to think that i should have been listening instead of defending

i knew you could have your moments
but now i know that thats just who you are

you think you can manipulate?
you have no idea whats coming for you.
i am better at manipulation than you could ever imagine
and what you dont realize
is that
he is more of a man than you will ever be.

Would you catch me if i fall?

Or would you drop me farther than I could ever drop myself?

:]
i have a new story
and i must admit its pretty badass

its called
INFERNO

its pretty great actually
and you would never guess where i got the idea

ready for this?
a painting in the vietnamese restaurant
hahahaha

its pretty exciting



in fact so exciting
that im using it as an excuse to procrastinate
:p

haha
i have two whole buckets filled with socks to sort
[[how tedious. dull. uneventful. borrriiinnnngggg]]

and i kinda dont wanna do it
but i have to eventually

still
that doesnt mean i cant
prolong the experience

:]

As the years go by, i realize, i shouldnt be afraid to fly.

i should be terrified


hahaha
jayykayy
[[or maybe not? idk. ask Freud]]

HAPPY 200th Post!!!


:]

anyway
as for today?
it felt like any other day
but omg
im a SENIOR NOW!!!

thats sooo scarryyy

you have no idea


i didnt go to graduation
on the one hand i did want to
but on the other
i really didnt

those people i was close to
i said my goodbyes

but i cant even imagine that in one year
that will be me

haha
i just hope i remember to take my diploma after i shake the principal's hand
[[ family insider. you wouldnt understand ]]

my God
where do i go from here?

my dad has been trying hard to convince me out of my English Major
and i really dont know what to do

i mean.
yeah im good at Marketing and Business [[i already found that out this year]]
but there are so many other things i want to do

and it hurts to think that my dad doesnt want me to do what i want most
i know he only has my financial security in mind
but writing is my passion

and i dont want to take it away
or have it taken from me.

but i also dont want to let him down
i know that he doesnt want me to live the life he did
but im not
and i know that English is what i want to do

ive spent all my life trying to figure out who i am
and this is it.

writing is who i am.
i cant change that

i know in the end my dad wont care what i choose
because i know at the end of the day he'll still love me

so why do i keep telling him ill change my major?
i never thought id have this problem

*Sigh*
i cant give up what i want most in this world
and i cannot sit in a cubicle for the rest of my life

nor can i do the things that my aunt does
hm.

i just hope that
whatever i do
i dont fail at it.
i want to be a successful writer.
and i know i can be

but still...
what if..
i dont make it with my books?

then what?

and i also want to take some form of music/theater

am i spreading myself to thin?
too far across the board?

w/e
i dont wanna think about this anymore
it makes my heart hurt

its the first day of summer

lets make this count

Oh NINE
So FINE!!

199 bottles of beer on the wall...

lol

so we'll start off with something that happened on sunday

ok
picture this:

Me
My Dad
My godmother [ aka my mom's best friend]
her parents
her sister
her nephew
in a limo

with a driver who doesnt know how to get to carnegie hall

AWKWARDD

on the one hand i was soo happy Ate Ana was there
because it made me more relaxed to know that i was taking my dad to Carnegie for fathers day

but on the other
it was sooo hard not to laugh
because i had to be the perfect daughter around my dad

first of all
Ate Mar got us BOX SEATS!
and the LIMO without telling me

all this time i thought regular seats and a cab

silly me
i shoulda known
its Ate Mar for God's sakes.

it was soo much fun watching Georgey play
even though i was beyondd embarrassed for him

hahaha
i didnt know what was better
the concert or the comedy that was Box 26

or the fact that my dad and i were put into a box
with loud smelly people
hahahaha

it was just good times all around :]
i cant even begin to describe it