1. I wear all my emotions on my sleeve.
2. I hate feeling vunerable.
3. Doing this makes me feel vunerable. but i feel like its something i have to do. not for you. but for me.
4. I pretend to know exactly what i want. but the truth is. i dont. not even close. I have an idea.
5. I overthink everything. and i mean EVERYTHING.
6. I speak in double entendres all the time.
7. I generally try to mean everything I say and say everything I mean.
8. I really do care about everyone. Even if i dislike you.
9. I criticize myself all the time. not because i want to find fault but because i want to improve.
10. I spend most of my time trying to be witty and poetic. half the time it makes me feel sloppy and pathetic.
11. I hate feeling pathetic.
12. I have a completely different way of defining pathetic than most.
13. I have never been this honest about myself to anyone. i dont even think I've been this honest with myself.
14. I have no idea why Im writing this but Im not stopping.
15. I generally put up this bitchy attitude when i meet people. Mostly because I'm afraid to trust them too soon.
16. I hate feeling afraid.
17. I've been feeling afraid a lot lately.
18. I hate that time feels like its going so slowly and at the same time i find myself trying to catch up with it constantly.
19. I do not care what most people think of me. BUT there are people whom i would hate to disappoint.
20. I trully am never the same person twice.
21. Sometimes i really feel like ive lost my mind. then i remember that you had to have it, before you can lose it.
22. My favorite number used to be 3. but that was when i was little. and i think its mostly because to me. 3 meant family. it meant being whole. it meant mother. father. baby. but i realize now that family can be more than 3. and now my favorite number is 22 :]
23. I like to be vague.
24. I also like to be very open about things
25. I constantly contradict myself
26. I'm always worried that i confuse people.
27. I highly doubt anyone reads my blog at all.
28. Its pretty disappointing actually.
29. Despite the fact that I've lived here for almost 6years next month. I sometimes catch myself calling Elizabeth home. and i honestly dont know why.
30. I believe in God.
31. but i also believe in experiencing other religions until I've found my own faith.
32. I am afraid that sometime 3years ago. i lost my faith. and i am only starting to find it again. and for that i am trully sorry.
33. This is why i sometimes feel uncomfortable in church. i feel like a fraud.
34. I may not be Catholic. but as much as i get nervous in Cathedrals/Churches I love looking at them.
35. I may seem random. but sometimes my randomness is in fact not even close to being random.
36. I am happier now than I think I have ever been, but that doesnt mean there arent a few things I'd change.
37. I can be the best listener ever.
38. I am always worried that I talk about myself too much.
39. I am always worried that I bother people with my petty problems.
40. I doubt I'm actually going to post this.
41. Because of that I will post it.
42. I constantly dare myself to do things i normally wouldnt. sometimes i take the dare. sometimes i chicken out.
43. I reread everything i write billions of times.
44. I believe that somewhere there exists an alternate reality for every decision we almost made.
45. I would like to see what these places look like, and where i'd be. if i'd be. but i would never change anything.
46. i have been in love with a person before.
47. but i think that i held onto the feeling of love longer than i actually did love.
48. in all honesty i think i was and still am in love with love. the thought of it. and the feeling it gives.
49. I am starting to believe in second chances. although not fully. when i do decide that i am done with you. I. Am. Done. and i dont look back.
50. I want to live a full life.
51. I want to know what that means.
52. I have high hopes for the future of man.
53. I also doubt that there will ever be peace.
54. I do believe in mankind
55. I dont believe in the reasons we fight.
56. I dont sing because i want to show off. or because i think i am better than you.
57. in fact i believe there will always be someone better than me at something.
58. I sing because it helps me escape the current moment. or relive past moments.
59. I want to learn how to play the guitar. right now i only know how to play the NBC chime.
60. I want to continue learning how to play the piano. although i dont think i will pursue it.
61. My feet are always cold. even when the rest of me isnt.
62. I can be very playful.
63. I can be very serious.
64. I can be very shy.
65. I can be loud and obnoxious.
66. I can be very reserved.
67. I can be extremely sexy.
68. I have bunches of notebooks that have the beginnings to several short stories/novels.
69. Hopefully someday i'll finish one.
70. I dont think i will finish one until i finish finding myself.
71. I think that time is coming soon.
72. I love English. The language and the literature.
73. I am very good with languages.
74. I speak fluent English. but i can understand and speak some Spanish, Filipino/Tagalog, and French.
75. If i listen to a language long enough, I can begin to understand it.
76. I started reading at about 1year old.
77. I havent stopped. and i hope never to stop.
78. I want to see the world.
79. I'm afraid to leave my family behind.
80. I hope to be a good mother someday.
81. That day is not coming anytime soon. I want to know that i can tell my child something interesting.
82. I will put the happiness of the people i love before mine.
83. this is my character flaw.
84. this is also my strength.
85. I am in love with a man by the name of William Shakespeare. even though i have only read a few of his works, I will always love him.
86. I love playing with words. and talking in puns. and also extended metaphors.
87. If you can keep up with my dry humor, we will get along amazingly.
88. There is a man that i have never met, never will meet, never know. but at the same time every year. i leave flowers for him at the same street corner. maybe someday his daughter will read this and know that its been me all this time.
89. I think that sometimes we have to hit rock bottom, in order to know what flying high feels like. I have hit bottom. and i can feel myself increasing in altitude.
90. I love you. whoever you are. for reading this.
91. I love you. whoever you are. for laughing at my faults.
92. I love you. whoever you are. for taking me seriously.
93. I love you. whoever you are. for ignoring everything I've written.
94. I love you. whoever you are. for agreeing with me.
95. I love you. whoever you are. for disagreeing with me.
96. I love you. whoever you are. for allowing me to love you.
97. I love you. whoever you are. for hating that i love you.
98. I love you. whoever you are. for hating me.
99. I love you. whoever you are. whomever you were. whoever you choose to be. whomever you want to be. and whomever you will become.
100. I love you. point blank. thats it. no more.
Baby, this isn't the end.
this is only the beginning...
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