wow.

i have been sooo happy this year
and so hyperr

i wanted to like smack myself just now

i had like 3postss dedicated to the love of my blackberry
which i no longer have since i got the dare

[[blackberry was too expensive]]
so yeah

wowowowwowow


:p

Okay so its the New Year in a few hours

and im gonna take this time to look back and read everything
that i have written so far.

and then when im done.
i am going to write down everything i want for this year.

are you ready?
am i ready?

Here, have a fortune cookie...

why is it that you have to
break it
rip it open
tear it apart

just to get to the good fortune thats supposedly lying inside?

do we really need to destroy everything
to find out what we really want?

Dont stop believingggggggg

lolol
so i heard that song 4 times
[[really four times. no lie. no exaggeration.]]
while i drove home from PA yesterday

it was ridiculous
and it was always at the same part too
right before the 2nd verse


it was hilarious
but fun to sing along with


sooooo yeah.

i find it hilarious that everytime i go on some crazzy roadtrip
i hear that song.

hahahha
i guess i shouldnt stop believing.

and maybe.
just maybe....
i wont be wrong about you.

Merry Christmas!

Iloveyou.

I was wrong

Chances are
I was totally and completely

Right about my predictions

And totally and completely

Wrong about you...


And knowing that...hurts me so much.




Above all
I've been having a horrible day
I was out for two days so I'm lost in my calculus class
Gym sucks
Stupid test in english
Shitload of notes and projects for history
And we got to talk about autism today in psych

Also...my car wouldn't start for like 20minutes just now
So I was stuck in the parking lot....

:(
My heart hurts...

"Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair"

So I'm an understudy in the musical this year
Not bad
And I actually don't mind that I'm understudying to a junior
She's pretty chill so it really doesn't matter

Run thru today :)
I'm excited

Oh!
And we're starting to read Macbeth in english :D
I'm soooo excited about that!!
I get to read as Lady Macbeth
I can't waittt!!!!

Yayyyyy!!!
:p

Oh and Nat'l Hug a Filipino Day!!
:)

(>'-')>hugsarefun<('-'<)

Its 11:11 and im making a wish

I can see history begin to repeat
And I hope to God that it does not

In different aspects of life

Deja vu filled the air last night and I hope it doesn't

But mostly
I hope I'm not wrong about you
I hope I'm not chasing ghosts of who I think you are
I hope I'm not wasting my time
I hope that you don't become exactly what I was afraid of...
Don't turn into him
Don't make his mistake
Please I beg you
I can't do that again
I just can't

Prove me wrong!
I dare you!
And I'm challenging you for all the world to know

Prove.
Me.
Wrong.



Please?

1 step forward

53269805417steps back...

My head is throbbing
And my heart aching...


Will it ever stop?

In order to confuse the public...

Im going to completely contradict myself.

in the same way that i hate talking to you.
i also dont.

not at all.
i just hate the timing

you always had bad timing.

but i will give you one thing:
that must mean you have some consistency.

I find that I am...

the BEST friend
the best person to talk to when everything around you is falling apart and every thing is hurting and everything feels like its making you want to just die right there and you just want to talk about nothing bullshit blabber laugh cry scream rant [just like i am right now]

I also find that I should be
the WORST friend
the worst person to tell you that youre just completely selfish and that i dont want to hear about your bullshit i dont want you to rant to me not just yet i dont care if you feel like shit i dont care

Being the Best may have its perks
I cant help it if I want to be the Worst.

At least...
to you anyway.

How is it that I always find myself...

talking to you?
and answering your questions?


Even when i know i shouldnt...


Sometimes when i talk to you...
i feel a little bit...
lost?
i dont know how to describe it.

its like...
a black hole...

no better..
a supernova
A star explodes
and it has so much power that
it could cause a black hole or a new star...

most of the time its the black hole
but i get sucked into it thinking its the star
and i dont know why but i keep the conversation going
no matter how much i dont care
its just habit i guess.
and old habits die
they die hard.


talking to you makes me want to cry.
each.
and.
every.
time.
its like a little part of me remembers everything and i cant breathe

and the weirdest part is
i dont understand why.

i have moved on.
but every time i turn around

you manage to pop out of nowhere
like pop! goes the fucking weasel!

and then just as fast as you came
you disappear again

at your own time.
in your own regard.
when you need me.
there you are.
when you dont anymore
there you go.

so go.
go!
Go!
GO!
leave me alone already!

because something tells me
i dont want you to.

how confusing am i?
i am confusing how?
confused am i?
yes.
yes i am confused.

:]

Im taking my road test tomorrow morning

but i have to wake up really early so i can practice one last time with my daddy and snowflake :p

either wayy..

last night was fuckin amazing
cobra starship / forever the sickest kids / HIT THE LIGHTS!! / Sing it loud
at starlandd
:]

it was the best night everrr :]
we met a band called "On the victrola" selling some EPs
on line waiting...

i got an HTL shirt [[and i think it was Omar who sold it to me :p]]
I got to talk to Omar and Dave who wished me an early happy birthday
Nate from Sing it Loud signed my bag [[ with a "happy birthday amanda" ]]
and so did the lead singer from FTSK

:]
it was amazinngggg

THE BEST NIGHT EVERRRRR!!!

Love is a memory

i wrote my first "love" song for the first time in three years


stupid english class
[[purest form of blasphemy right there]]

w/e
im an idiot thats all :p

Wow...

He really did forget about me



That's comforting

Loose lips sink ships...

I honestly think my uncle forgot about me :(
I've been here for an hour and a half :(

Luckily the waitress here is really nice and she knows me and that I always wait here...

Sometimes I wonder...

...If I bore you with my teenaged rants
I hope not
And if I do I greatly apologize

I used to say this was more for me than for you
But I find now that I want it to be for you
I want everything I write to be for you.
My reader.
Because what a would a writer be
If he had no one to read

Just like what would a speaker be
If there were no one to listen

Waiting...

Again...

But that's fine
In exactly one week
I won't have to wait anymore


We had a blood drive today at school and I feel bad because I went down there
I filled out all the forms
And I waited
(See...I'm always waiting)
For them to process me

Only to find out that I couldn't donate blood
Because I am 5days too young

It kinda made me sad
I really and truly wanted to give blood

Oh well..
Maybe some other day


And is someone seriously smoking in here?!

Wow...

I can't wait til thursday!!!
I get to see Hit the Lights
(Even though they're just opening for Cobra Starship...I don't care)
I'm sooo excited

And yup
Someone is definitely smoking

I can smell it
It makes me feel like I can't breathe

Which is weird
I've been around people who smoke
I'm used to the smell
But if I don't get up and move

After a while I feel like I'm choking or light headed

i absolutely love how...

Everyone and their friggin mother went to the Q today.

I swear
We didn't even have a chnce to breathe
Within an hour we had 40 customers
Within two hours we had a little over 60

I was like O.O
Where the hell are all these people coming from?!

I couldn't understand it :(
Luckily we're done and now we're just waiting for rides home

I'm beattt :(

I'm kinda peeved :p

For some reason this is the ONLY website that's working on my phone

Oh well...
:)


Blehhh
I'm not feeling good today. I just feel gross
I woke up with stomach pains and a majorr headache

But here I am in school
I didn't wanna risk anymore absenses :(

Love is not a victory march, its a cold and its a broken Hallelujah

I'm currently obsessed with that song :p

Today has been weird...
I feel...semi nauseous and extremely blehhhh

Which is strange since I'm almost always cheery on rainy days :p

I'm stuck sitting at a pizza hut waiting for someone to pick me up and take me home :(

Ít is absolutely the most...indescribable day

And wow I'm just bumping into everyone from my french three class aren't I?

Strangee



I wanna watch v for vendetta
(Because it is an epic movie :p)

i guess that would make today history

President Barack Obama

Well technically not until January 20th but still...

I honestly don't know if I'm happy with this
But I'm not upset about it either

I really don't know what to think about it

But I guess we'll have to see what happens
I'm kinda skeptical
But then again I'd be skeptical if McCain won too.

I hope something great comes out of this...I hope we do get change and I hope we manage to find some way to fix things before its too late

And wow this kid is obnoxious

I think that maybe ill try to keep up with politics lately
I want to prepared when I can vote.

Uhm...it smells like sunblock in this classroom

Seriously
I'm thinking SPF 35 :p

So I sent in my spplication for the University of Rochester last night
Just gotta mail in a form and call them later for some random stuff...

Bah
I'm scccaarrreeddd :p
Hahaha

But oh well

Idk
I'll figure something out

And omg this kid in my class is madd annoying

*sigh*

that last phrase

sounded like a great story intro

:p

or maybe a catch phrase for INFERNO

As for what i want for this world.

I cannot stress enough how much i feel that we are so far fallen

i gave up on all things political a long time ago.

as for the election

lets face it

it doesnt matter who wins

we cant get out of this shithole situation just yet

its virtually impossible to fix everything overnight

no matter who is in office.

we have to realize that as for this whole world

we need change now.

I know ive talked to people about how the whole Mayan prediction for apocalypse is on Dec. 21st 2012

well honestly.

i dont believe in the whole sunshowers/world will explode idea

[[thats sooo Y2K]]

but if we dont start changing things now

we'll implode.

and that is the honest truth

we as a race,

will collapse from the inside out.

and something big IS gonna happen

i can feel it

its kinda scary

i dont know what it is

or if it is.

but i know that one day the world will wake up and realize

that we have to start thinking as a whole again

no more individualistic selfcentered focus

because sure its all good to be in tune with ourselves

[[im not saying thats a bad thing at all]]

im just saying that we not only need to focus on us but everyone and everything around us

think about it.

its gonna be hard to focus on yourself

when you have nothing around you.

[Does that make me hypocritical?]

when the world as you know it collapses

where will you be?

trying to save it?

or trying to save yourself?

We drove into a great sunset...and lived a life with no regrets.

[["Don't Wait" -Hit the Lights]]

so i guess i've decided that i want a lot for my life

in every aspect i know what i would like to have

If you havent already realized

i want [[more than anything]] to be a writer

i want to go to the University of Rochester.

i want to live a full life

i would die if i had a nine to five job

i cant sit in an office all day

i want so much for myself

i want happiness with someone i know i can spend the rest of my life with

[[which bytheway is kind of a stretch right now]]

ive been told that what i want isnt possible

isnt logical

isnt practical

isnt safe

isnt even close to right

isnt isnt isnt

but i dont want to be

logical

practical

safe

or right.

Its not IMPOSSIBLE

its I'M POSSIBLE.

i want to do whatever i think will make me happy

i want to travel

i want to do whatever it takes to find myself even more than i have.

and i honestly dont think i can have a "traditional job"

can you imagine me in a cubicle all day?

i would die of boredom

i used to want to be a lawyer or a marketing exec

but then one morning i woke up and realized that if i did any of that

i would be miserable

i would be 30 years old

hopped up on zoloft and absolutely hating my life.

hating my job

and i dont think i could be that way.

i would regret not writing

and i would miss it dearly

and most people honestly dont understand that

i write because it keeps me alive.

its kept me alive this long

it makes me feel whole.

and if its the only way i can find that

then goddammit ill do it.

im scared.

i wont lie.

im fucking terrified

but as the song goes

I cant wait for the sun to rise

I'll never know until i try

We make mistakes

And learn through time

We all grow old

We live.

We die.

We live.

[[ "Dont Wait" -Hit the Lights]]

I have nothing honest to say, but every lie to tell.

Yeah you like that title

:p
I really have nothing important to talk of
I just feel like writing

I'm in a creative mood right now
Idky but I have the urge to just write or color or draw

I'm sooo hyped
My Hit the Lights tickets came in yesterday and I'm so excited!!!
Btw:
Epic countdown of epic proportions has started
30days!!!
(Til my 17th birthday)

I'm excited :D

Honestly...

i am going fuckin insane
its just getting really ridiculous now

i cant even focus on how to write my english term paper
(something thats usually extremely easy for me)

im not paying attention to anyone im with
or whatever other people are saying to me.

and honestly i have no idea why.
its starting to piss me the fuck off

its 50 billion times worse than A.D.D
because its not that random

its all revolved around one particular person
and im seriously sick of it

aldfjafnoiaewfokianfov
:[

Dear Diary,

Mood of the moment: kinda lonely.

And honestly a bit sad...
Once again I'm at my grandma's and once again my grandparents are fighting.

[[Little culture note: lola=grandma & lolo=grandpa in filipino]]

I seriously think that my lola is really lonely since my lolo has been dedicating his time to fixing "his house"
I really think that one of the reasons why she wants me to stay over so much is that it MAKES him stay here...because "honestly lolo...how will I get to school...lola can't drive!!"
I guess in a way its good because he never says no to me but still either way they end up in some kinda fight and being as though my room is right above theirs it sure does make for some great background noise...

Plus everytime I'm here I get trapped into talking to my lola's sister "B"
Which I don't mind, don't get me wrong, I love her a lot
But I haven't seen her in almost 10years!!
And everytime I talk to her she always promises to come back to the states but she does nothing about it
"If God wills it baby...ill come"
That's what she says all the time and I'm sick of it! I miss her so much and she's missed a lot of things in my life...
She promised to be here by my graduation but I highly doubt she will unless God himself decends from the heavens to personally escort her!
Ugh! Its frustrating!!!
What happened to her?? She was always so strongminded
Always a fighter but now when I talk to her she sounds timid
That's one of the main reasons I don't wanna go to the PI to visit. I'm afraid the woman there isn't even close to the one that left.
And that's what makes me really sad.

As for the lonely part?
Fitting or not its impossible
He's not here
Too goddamn bad. That's it. I'm starting to give up you know? Besides from what I can hear going on downstairs...
If that's what almost 40years of love and marriage bring then...idk.

All I know is I don't want to be miserable when I'm old
I want to be happy and loved and know that whomever I will be with won't need an excuse to be with me (like a granddaughter calling for a ride to school).

Does that seem logical and realistic to you?
I hope so

And hopefully,
It'll come true...
Eventually.

Cuz tonight is like you and I...

So alive and too young to die.

HTL<333

the wedding was amazing

and it passed by sooo fast

it was almost like the best dream ive ever had

and in a second it was overr :[

*sigh*

he fits all over again.

its like the most ridiculous circle in the world

2days til the wedding :D

I'm pretty excited actually
Everything just happened so fast!!

Its really exciting :D


I really can't wait :)
Its just so exciting

I hate watching the news these days....

There is never anything good.
Everyone dies/kills/rapes
Its just beyond depressing

What the hell is the matter with the world today?
Is our generation beginning to degress?
I don't think it matters who's going to take on after Bush...
I hate to say it but there's nothing we can do to save ourselves just yet.

Maybe the Mayans are right...
The world is coming to an end.
But I don't think sunspots or showers are the problem

We are.
We are the reason the world's falling apart.
But what can we do?
How do we fix a world that cannot even begin to see that it's falling apart?

Is it just me...

Or are all incoming freshman getting shorter???
Seriously...
I almost tripped over some kid walking through the halls

Its kinda hard for me to grasp the fact that I'm now a senior
That all the older students I used to look up to are now long gone
And now we're those people to an entire school

In a way its kinda liberating to know we have gotten this far and are so close to the finish line
But the main question now is...
What happens after this race?
Most of us are flung into another 400
Some take their cool downs
Some take on harder more intense challenges

Some fight for the gold
And some give up and settle for silver or bronze
Either way once this final sprint is over
Whatever hurdles we had to jump
its all about to pay off

And its such an exhilarating feeling to know
That its just one lap to go :)

Senior Year...

Starts in an hour
:)

Am I ready? :p

i feel like

i just walked into the biggest trap of my life..

like seriously

how did i get into this all over again

why would i start a conversation...

oh right

im stupid.

:[

Ee-cow ung ahh-kingg toungue-ing yahhh-mannnn

lol

say that title out loud and you got

Ikaw ang aking tanging yaman

congrats you can now pronounce Tagalog words

lol

:]

that goddamn sonnnggg

still haunts me

i love watching Conan O'Brian

he makes me happy

:]

him and Letterman

are the reasons my summer nights are in anyway funny

hahahaha

school starts in a lil over a week

:]

im kinda excited

lastt yearrr

:]

thats a lot of :]

in this post

hahahahahha

I have new bangs :]

lol.

and now I'm watching All My Children

hahah

i really need to clean my room too

i cant wait til school starts.

i need something better to do with my life.

Holy Crap!

I start my senior year in 3weeks!

can you believe that?!

I cant.

this summer went by sooo fast.

everything is gonna change isnt it?

are you ready?

am i ready?

we'll see.

and you know what else sucks?

Bananas!
Bananas SUCK!
But Rob? Didnt your girlfriend just break up with you?
hey man dont be such an ASS
hey uhh...when you were together were you ever getting any ASS?
no.
well then that
that SUCKS ASS BANANAS!!!!

hahahahaha
omg i love that video!!!
and that band !!!

Writers Block...

Sucks.



[[yes i am amazingly eloquent]]


but seriously...
i have started 2 stories this summer
and i have not even written anything :[

i have sooo many ideas
but as soon as i start writing...
it kinda...
dies.

:[
"this ink is as black as my soul"
hahaha
[[its a poetry club thing. you wouldnt understand]]

My toes are cold...

haha
but then again
in the year and a half
that ive been blogging on this thing
when arent they!?

*sigh*
i need something to do with my life
other than:
+Q :p
+rereading books that ive read countless of times
+sleeping

etc...

but on a lighter note
i finished Breaking Dawn in a little over a day
would have been less if we didnt have all those people here
but oh well
:p

my summers are kinda low key
i dont really hang out with anyone
i mostly stay close to home and with the family
i guess that could have something
[[or everything]]
to do with the fact that i pretty much did/do everything with my family
which is understandable considering my parents are fairly young
and so is the rest of my family
well..
the ones i talk to at least

lol.
in other news
[[cue newscaster voice and cue music]]
my grandmother is here from Honduras and i cant wait to see her!
[[well technically my dad's aunt...but shes more of a grandma then his mother is]]
:D
i love her!!
shes such a sweetheart

and lastweek i spent the night at my dads house
which was pretty chill actually :]

thats pretty much it.

i need...

I need

Peace

I need quiet

I need these people out of my house


I need you here
I need you home


I need you back
Both of you


I need my


Sanctuary
And

More importantly
My sanity

i just hope

im not losing my mind

would you catch me if i fall
or would you drop me farther then i could ever drop myself

i think we all know the answer to that
the question is::
do i really?

sound familiar?
it does to me
and its not a song i want to sing
or hum
or hear

so lets stay away from that

far away.


now i really sound crazy.

Just a thought....

more of a mental note:::

Man, I'm pathetic

sometimes i get into a mood
and idk
i wonder why that thought came into my head

i dont even feel that way now

do i?
subconscious conscious mind.
(?)

analyze that for once.


i think its just the book i finished reading

it was pretty depressing
lol.
that must be it....











right?

i was just thinking...

it never is 50-50

its always
75-25
60-40

maybe even 99-1

and im always
the 1

always the 1
but never the one

idk
i was reading this book Mercy by Jodi Picoult a few months ago
and thats what it said.

"You know its never fifty fifty...someone falls in love first. someone puts someone else up on a pedestal..."

its kinda sad i know...
but sometimes i wish

maybe ill be the 99
and not the 1

maybe ill be the 100

but for now im still
the 1

and isnt 1 the loneliest number?

well now...

i guess looking back ive already chosen

[[see post: how in the light of one night...]]

there is no way i could be with the guy ive liked this long
and in a way i guess thats fine and dandy

[[haha i said dandy]]

as for the guy that fits?
he's way too far for my reach
[[even though i grasp the air frantically between us]]

so where does this leave me?



oh yeah thats right...


alone.
again.




or am i?



no wait....
im still alone.


*sigh*
oh well...

i am beat.

seriously
i just got home fifteen minutes ago
and i am sooo tired

work sucks man.
:(
but i need to do what i need to do

it makes me kinda sad to see that my little cousin wants to work so bad
i tell him that he shouldnt.
the kid is 8years old and he wants a job.
i told him no way in hell i was ever going to allow that
he shouldnt need one yet.
what he needs is to stay young

staygolden
[[As someone would say]]

because when he grows up
he's gonna miss this.

i know i miss it :p


but whatever.

i may be growing older
but nowhere in that does it say
i have to grow up.

The movie in my mind

Just played.
it was a dream that i knew
was the story ive been waiting for

and im so excited
it just might be the best story ive written so far
i already know how to start and where to end
everything was in the dream
EVERYTHING!

God i love my life!

this is bullshit

I hate applying for colleges

What does it matter
Who my parents are or what they do
Or how many siblings I have or how old they are

Seriously

Whee!

So today was pretty fun
I went out with my aunt
To help plan my cousin's 5th birthday
It was a lot of fun
This party is gonna be awesome :)


It was soo great to hang out
With my Tita (Aunt in filipino)

:)
It was like when I was little and she used to take me out to the park and everything
We even got ice cream after

Well...
Technically gellato
But same difference
:)

Ilovemytita!

*sigh*

just got home from work

madd tirreedd :[
and i smell like food :x

hahaha



oh and btw







my life never fails to get weirder and weirder
with every single minute...

I have come to the conclusion

That I am
Completely and utterly


INSANE

And therefore

Beyond STUPID

On top of that

Ridiculously DELUSIONAL


Til the point where I am


Incredibly HOPEFUL





But mostly stupid and insane and delusional











Yeah...
Let's go with that

Just a small town girl...

living in a lonely worrlllddddd....

omg im sooo happy to be home

Ahh tsss push ittt

Its strange
It feels like just yesterday
We were merely freshmen

Then we spent
All our time
Trying to figure out
Are we growing up?
Or
Just going down?

As time passed
What didn't kill us
Only made us stronger

And now
There's no such thing

Try to figure out what I mean
And ill love you forever

Hahaha

Oh God

One of these dayyyyssss Aliceee






Zip
Boom
Straight to moon

Everythings moving so fast...

For the next four days i will be out
with Ate Mar, George, & AJ
touring some colleges/universities
in the NE area


I've been kinda freaking out all day about it
I know its a good experience and I really dont mind being with them
plus it gets me out of the house

but still
I registered for my SATs today
[[it went through i made sure of it]]

so now im just sorta printing out information on all the schools i want to go
[[Basically anything that has an amazing English Section]]
and all the schools that we're going to this week

its kinda overwhelming

im not gonna lie
but i guess i do have to grow up sometime

i just dont want to right now...

I wonder if its like this for everyone
alot of people i know say it is
but im not sure if im exactly ready you know?


oh God
i guess now is the time
now more than ever

we'll see...

Fool me once. Shame on you.

Fool me twice. Shame on me.
Fool me Three times. Watch your back.

i have known you for so long
and to think that i have been defending you for all this time
just pisses me the fuck off


and its funny now to think that i should have been listening instead of defending

i knew you could have your moments
but now i know that thats just who you are

you think you can manipulate?
you have no idea whats coming for you.
i am better at manipulation than you could ever imagine
and what you dont realize
is that
he is more of a man than you will ever be.

Would you catch me if i fall?

Or would you drop me farther than I could ever drop myself?

:]
i have a new story
and i must admit its pretty badass

its called
INFERNO

its pretty great actually
and you would never guess where i got the idea

ready for this?
a painting in the vietnamese restaurant
hahahaha

its pretty exciting



in fact so exciting
that im using it as an excuse to procrastinate
:p

haha
i have two whole buckets filled with socks to sort
[[how tedious. dull. uneventful. borrriiinnnngggg]]

and i kinda dont wanna do it
but i have to eventually

still
that doesnt mean i cant
prolong the experience

:]

As the years go by, i realize, i shouldnt be afraid to fly.

i should be terrified


hahaha
jayykayy
[[or maybe not? idk. ask Freud]]

HAPPY 200th Post!!!


:]

anyway
as for today?
it felt like any other day
but omg
im a SENIOR NOW!!!

thats sooo scarryyy

you have no idea


i didnt go to graduation
on the one hand i did want to
but on the other
i really didnt

those people i was close to
i said my goodbyes

but i cant even imagine that in one year
that will be me

haha
i just hope i remember to take my diploma after i shake the principal's hand
[[ family insider. you wouldnt understand ]]

my God
where do i go from here?

my dad has been trying hard to convince me out of my English Major
and i really dont know what to do

i mean.
yeah im good at Marketing and Business [[i already found that out this year]]
but there are so many other things i want to do

and it hurts to think that my dad doesnt want me to do what i want most
i know he only has my financial security in mind
but writing is my passion

and i dont want to take it away
or have it taken from me.

but i also dont want to let him down
i know that he doesnt want me to live the life he did
but im not
and i know that English is what i want to do

ive spent all my life trying to figure out who i am
and this is it.

writing is who i am.
i cant change that

i know in the end my dad wont care what i choose
because i know at the end of the day he'll still love me

so why do i keep telling him ill change my major?
i never thought id have this problem

*Sigh*
i cant give up what i want most in this world
and i cannot sit in a cubicle for the rest of my life

nor can i do the things that my aunt does
hm.

i just hope that
whatever i do
i dont fail at it.
i want to be a successful writer.
and i know i can be

but still...
what if..
i dont make it with my books?

then what?

and i also want to take some form of music/theater

am i spreading myself to thin?
too far across the board?

w/e
i dont wanna think about this anymore
it makes my heart hurt

its the first day of summer

lets make this count

Oh NINE
So FINE!!

199 bottles of beer on the wall...

lol

so we'll start off with something that happened on sunday

ok
picture this:

Me
My Dad
My godmother [ aka my mom's best friend]
her parents
her sister
her nephew
in a limo

with a driver who doesnt know how to get to carnegie hall

AWKWARDD

on the one hand i was soo happy Ate Ana was there
because it made me more relaxed to know that i was taking my dad to Carnegie for fathers day

but on the other
it was sooo hard not to laugh
because i had to be the perfect daughter around my dad

first of all
Ate Mar got us BOX SEATS!
and the LIMO without telling me

all this time i thought regular seats and a cab

silly me
i shoulda known
its Ate Mar for God's sakes.

it was soo much fun watching Georgey play
even though i was beyondd embarrassed for him

hahaha
i didnt know what was better
the concert or the comedy that was Box 26

or the fact that my dad and i were put into a box
with loud smelly people
hahahaha

it was just good times all around :]
i cant even begin to describe it

we shake shake shake the hips in relationships

i might have just made a HUGE mistake


then again


i might have done the one thing that may save me.






almost at 200


:]

madd souped!

100 in one school year?
damn!



i want my 200th post
to be the last day of school

can i last an entire week
without writing?


we shall soon find out!

What an eventful day.

I spent my entire half day
in the fucking office

[[ from 753 to 1255 to be exact ]]

FOR WEARING FLIP FLOPS ON THE HOTTEST DAY OF THE YEAR


beyond ridiculous
you have no idea.

and you know whats crazy
im wearing jeans that completely hide my flip flops and i get caught
but there are girls wearing short shorts that are barely past their ass
and they dont get sent down at all

i swear
this day just gets worse

my teacher called my mom to tell her i was failing

my room's a fucking mess
its hot
i still cant find my anklet [[ *sobs* ]]

and i have to finish a project by tomorrow or i fail.
plus i was supposed to present to my math class but i couldnt
and my teacher is probably gonna murder me tomorrow


:[
aklfjkajflkjasdfioeawnfoivhbaoifn

only thing i can think of that was good
was that i got my yearbook
and i didnt have to do anything all day but sit in a poorly fanned out room
[[ in an uncomfortable chair for 5hrs ]]

oh and the busride home
who knew a 3seater could be so damn comfortable.
:[

what a day.
and all i could think of was...

"RAUUULLLLLLL..."
[[ if you saw the one acts...you'd see the irony in that ]]

loving youuu is easy cuz you're beautiful

Lalalalalalalalalala

Oh my
Early dismissal tomorrow
:D

Thank goodness!

Jesu Christo

It is hott

94* right now
Thank God we have early dismissal
Its hotter in here than out there
I swear :(

*sigh*
I wanna go home sooo baddd
And crank the AC all the wayy upp

It is wayy too hot to function
Srsly
We should not be allowed in school


Better yet
We should get
AIR CONDITIONING THAT ACTUALLY WORKS
And does not emit HOT AIR

On top of that we had a fire drill today

But nope


Cuz you know
Million dollar football fields are sooo much more important

your voice is the soundtrack of my summer

do you know you're unlike any other
you'll always be my thunder
and your eyes
are the brightest of all the colors
i dont wanna ever love another
you'll always be my thunder
so bring on the rain
and listen to the thunder
<33

the irony of my life
never ends.

its like
Just when I thought I was out...
they pull me back in

hahahah<3>

:]<3

So I did some negotiating

and...












I HAVE A CARRR :]
hahahahaha
yayyy!! ^_^



2003 Toyota Corolla
originally my godmother's who sold it to my uncle
who's selling to me for $800 :]

I can get the car as soon as i want
[[but since he hasnt used it in a while i'll need a jumpstart]]
and i start my payments in July :]
sooo happy :D

Omg I swear...

I am never gonna fucking drive
This is beyond ridiculous

And on top of that
Fucking annoying

wow time flies

i still cant believe its june

:]
i just wish things would go alot faster...

like seriously.
all of this is unnecessary

we should just stop doing things in school.
enough with the projects

just give me an A+ for being in school
when i should be other places
and thats it.

All i need right now...

is the summer.

anywhoo

enough of that
i felt as if my head were going to implode today

just thought id share that with you.

i want school to be done
like RIGHT NOW

jeez

how in the light of one night did we come so far?

beyond confused.

who do i choose
the guy who fits?
or
the guy I've liked for so long?

and if i do pick

will i ever win?


total
Edward vs Jacob moment
hahaha
im not gonna lie.

Missed me missed me now you've gotta kiss me.

I definately didn't wanna go to school today


Ahhh I wanna go backkkk
:(
I can't wait until they come up for the summer



Yooo I wanna go to Crystal Springs like right now

Let's go go go!!!!!

Lallalalalalla
I'm soooo tired its making me really hyper

Like seriously
We didn't get home until 3am
Like woah
Bahhhhh
Sleep would be nice
:)

I is Cajunn

:D
No lie
I be a blackened fish.
Shiiitttt

I kinda don't wanna go to school tomorrow.
Too much to go back to

Good Lawd have mercehh
I be soundin like Shaniquaa (Georgey)


:(
My flights at 9pm I won't be home until midnight
Awhh
I'm gonna miss everyone here<333

ikaw ang aking tanging yaman...

Happy saturday!
Well this is it. The wedding's tonight.
Am I ready?



Uhhhmmmm
Geeoorrggee?
Do you know the song????

he's leaving....

On a midnightt train to Georgiaaaa....




Off we goooo!!!



Hwaaaaa


We'reee heeerrrreeeee :D

I am...

Beyond bored :(
And extremely tired...

This weekend was like w00sh

Why do I have a shitload of projects today

That's terribleeeee :(

I can't wait to leave tomorrow

oh my lawd of gracee

lol.

what a weekend mann
im sooo tired :P

and i still have like 3874298374892 projects to do by tomorrow


:[
stupid school with their stupid work and their stupid projects
oh well

No need to hesitate...im yours

OMG the record release was such a success

It was just so amazing

The park was full of people. The music was great. Sales were amazing. :D

if i found my way...through the darkest of days...

"Would I laugh about the things that kept me awake?"

Today
No scratch that
This entire weekend is going to be soo busy

I have the record release tonight
Work tomorrow
Surprise party Sunday
And I'm spending Monday with my dad

And I have like 2 science projects
1 health project.


Oh damn. I have no idea how I'm gonna do this

*sigh*
Its gonna be a loonnnggg weekend

Oh well

It'll be worth it

:]

i just love life.<33

Ya give me fevahhh

Fevahhh

Lollzz

Hwa!!
Record release party tomorrow night
I can't wait ;D


(Dear diary,
Vincent is a poopoo head!!)


Lol he's bothering meee


Anyywhooo

So yeah
Fedora Production?!

Helll yeahhhhh!

That's what you get...

When you let your heart win
Woahhh


Lol

I just took my senior pics this morning
I can't believe that in 1 year I'm gonna be getting ready to leave this school

Geez
Everything moves so fast

Anywayy
I must sound like a broken record. It doesn't matter.

Maybe someday I'll be publishing

Hopefully soon
Mom says she met a publisher

I think if I can
Maybe I can get my short stories published
That would be amazing
I would love that. It would just make me so happy

If I send it in I hope they like my work.
I really do.

You have no idea how much this would mean to me.

iloveonetreehill

"Sometimes people write down what they can't say. "

--Hayley James Scott

Well hot damn!

I should watch Gossip Girl more often


Sexxy ass guys

Hahahaha

I read the first book
It was okay.
Oh well

You have no idea

How much I love this phone

Seriously

And today is such a good day
An easy day. It makes me happy yknow

Ahhh I have to organize my vortex of a life


Hwaaa worktimeee

Paycee

i absolutely love...

Being able to blog at any time
This phone is sooo great
You have absolutely no idea!

holy shittt

I love my new phone!!!
Whee!

Hwaaaa!!!

New haircut
Drove around

i finally got me a new phone

w00t blackberry

now off to work
to pay it off

hahaha

back to square Q.

They say that kid has got...

<3

goodmorning world!

ahhhh
im kinda tired.
i hate waking up early on the weekends
but hey

nothing like a good old Dentist appt



oh wellz



first day of work today
later on tonight

come see me <3

Hwaaaa!!!

lalalala.
Stacey is loud.

i dont think she appreciates that comment but who cares

i love my english teacher. lol.
we get to go here during lunch and use the computers or just chill

its so great!

<33


so yeah
im kinda hyper.
and i have my permit now :]
it makes me just a bit happier inside.

and i hate the sound this stupid keyboard thingy makes
its not nearly as musical as my laptop.

oh fuck. i have a test in math today :[

oh well :]

and i cant do the love song

like the way its meant to be
i cant do everything
but id do anything for you
Juliet all i can do
is be in love with you
and all i do is miss you
and the way we used to be
and all i do is keep the beat
in this rock and roll company
and i can do is kiss you
through the bars of a rhyme
Juliet I'd do the stars for you
Anytime

<333
Romeo&Juliet
Edwin McCain

my family + wii sports

= Crazyyy funn


hahahaha
so my uncle brought his wii to my aunt's house
and after a whole bunch of karaoke
[[ listen...we're azn alright?! ]]
we played like 384938 rounds of wii boxing

it was sooo much fun!

even my grandparents played!
[[ my grandma kicked my grandpa's ass too ]]

it was beyond funn

and it reminded me of when i was much younger
and when i was the only kid in the family
and we used to go out all the time
and just party

brought back many good memories
of:
AC
cape may
Virginia
Karate

my family is madd close too

if one does something

we all do it.

woahhhh babbyyy

first day of driving school :]

i did pretty damn good if i do say so myself



two more days
of this and i can drive with a permit

Prom

was soo much funn

you have no idea!
my legs hurt from dancing so much.

im glad laura and everyone else dragged me
<333

oh my my..

Junior Prom tomorrow night


i be madd souppeeddd sonn [[ to quote jr. <--lol i love him]]


hahaha.

i cant beLIEve this year is almost over [[ again ]]

soon this highschool career of mine would be over too

o.o
jeez

i love listening to...

Indiefeed Poetry Podcasts<333

too bad i can only fit a few on my ipod at a time.

lol its all good though


they're amazing <3

sooo....

its kinda annoying typing with a brace on each hand

but considering both of my wrists are killing me


i dont really mind.

Some people in this world...

are colossal douchebags.

seriously


anywayyy
we're reading Catcher in the Rye now in English
and one of the topics of the day:


are people fake?



FUCK YEAH.


welcome to dramaville.



hopefully not everyone is like that...

Prove me wrong
I dare you.

Ohhh Chariott....

you make me wanna spread my arms and fly...

<3

so yeah i got a job....





























at Q.

lmaooo

yeah well
good pay
good people.

lets hope things have changed
and
lets hope i made the right choice.

other poems...

to laura:

laura
as you soar

through an
endless war
for a
sacred cause
an abandoned wall of
another time
in another rhyme
of another world
you silly girl
as the penguins fly
and in the sky
i see your future race by
i know that
you have been
a best friend
to me/

to katie.

Katie
i know you crazy
but still you make me
smile
and make going online
worth while
for the stories you tell
and the times that fell

between us
the memories
grow
and the lines just flow
and you'll always know
that as time will pass
you're life will show
that sometimes
you dont have to grow up
you just have to live it up/.

and finally cuz Laura made me write a "song"

im thirsty for this
endless fount of water
thats not flowing through this stream
so as i pick up steam
i can only dream
that when i breathe
the sand wont sting
cuz all this time
i realize
that these words cant rhyme
with every line
so i go
for whats new
and i
know that whatever i do
i.

ill keep running back to you
cuz i cant stop drinking
from this stream
and i cant stop hearing you scream
that its not okay
that it shouldnt be this way
that it hurts to say that
you. dont. love. me.

six six. pick up sticks

because camila asked for one

camila.
if you will i
want to take the time
to rearrange your mind
and to speak in time
with the heartbeat
and pulse through this heat
of the tapping of my feet
and i hope that you will let me go
and just let me flow
with this song i wrote
for you
because you
asked me to
and i needed you to know
that this rhyming shit has
got to go
i cannot just sit here and
let them flow
anymore
so just
take this song
and tell me im wrong
before my mind explodes
and my heart implodes
and these veins just show
that i am alive.
with each word
and each rhyme
just know in time
i must stop with this flow.

ohkayy

now im done
this is no longer fun
speaking in puns
while twisting my tongue
to make words fit
so i cannot sit
and write down what i spit
oh God.

i need and asprin.

will someone please...

shut off my brain
this is driving me insane
my mind switching gears from lane to lane
giving into this curse
of thinking in verse
making things much worse
by writing
and not fighting
my fingers from typing
as the clock ticks
and the speed kicks
the racers pick
how to be quick
with a beat of a drum
and as we hum
to the sound that comes
flowing through this ink
everytime you think
that ill end this line
with another rhyme
you'll find
change is constant.

this is the song that never ends and it goes on and on my friendd...

it seems like a necessity
to write incessantly
and as you confess to me
that you try to
repress me
i care less that we
progress and she
will never rest
til he is never
at his best
so we see much less
and breathe in through this chest
as i let things rest
and let my feelings nest
so when she
begins breathe each breath
i know that i
will pass the test
and we'll be free.

and as it flows. with it. i grow.

i say im fine
when our hands entwine
when your name flows through my mind
and our hearts race to the beat of time
like
one and two and three and four and.
slow it down to
one. two. three. four.
now hold on
dont close that door
whatever happened to ill never ask for more
and that you're all i ever waited for
and when you push me down to that floor
just know that in my core.
all i can hear is
one. two. three. four.
faster now
one and two and three and four and
wait no
this isnt right
please please stop this fight
tell me everything will be just fine
and our heartbeat races to this time
and our hands still shake with every rhyme
and that name will forever run through my mind
as i rewind
all the time
that your lies shone through when you said.
"it.
will.
be.
fine."

oh and btw

Happy Anniversary!
one year for
sleepinglessanddreamingmore.blogspot.com



^_^

Oh my Lord. Lord. Lord. Lord.

POETRY Night was tonight
i read 3 origs. :]
[[the tree. liar. trade in... .]]


life is grand
and you cant understand
the rhythm flowing through my hand
racing through my mind
trying to rewind
to the time when
this night was not a then
to how this night will have no end.
its like when i breathe
you see my
ability
to speak free
be myself
read myself
breath myself
refine myself
never confine myself
praise myself
never needing to raise myself
i stay myself
make everyday myself
so i regress
never protest
notice
that i know this
that i wrote this
that i flow through this
that i live through this
that with every line
i find
that my time
is never over.
my time
is
now.

i love...

the irony of my life.
no lie...

so i was reading my first entry and editing it a lil so i could read it for poetry night tomorrow

and as soon as i read the first line

baby seasons change but people dont...

the song starts playing

it was pretty great :]

Choices

is an amazing book

see
when i was younger i watched this show
called so weird
and it was like a teen version
of the Twilight Zone
[[ cue theme song/swirly galaxies and shit ]]


and in one episode
the girl travels through
multiple universes
that change
everytime you make a choice

so say
choice A gets its own universe
and choice B....

so on.

and i always wondered
what would my universes be like?

would i end up in the same place?
somewhere better?
or somewhere far far worse?
would i even be alive?

oh my

here i go again
with whatshisface
on that bridge
waiting to see
whether
jumping off is right

play the what if game with me and george as he stares over the bridge and realizing his "wonderful life" is filled to the brim. good deeds and bad habits. listening to the music in my mind. wondering if someone will read this and find me sane instead of throwing it to the pits.
writing to do lists on a procrastinators whiteboard and accidentally erasing things not accomplished. changing the date to make you feel better.
dreamcatchers should work better. catch my dreams send them to the sky and hope that my time wont pass me by.

[[ Sound familiar? it should. it was my first entry.]]

and maybe it is
maybe all i have to do

is spread my arms out
and flap them a little
so that when i do






i dont crash that hard :]


that sounds surprisingly emo
haha.
and yet
i havent been sad in so long

strange huh?

so sunday was a weird kind of day
and if you knew me
at all
you'd know why.

and thats all i have to say about that.

its just another ordinary miracle today

fucking CVS commercial

ever since we've started singing that
in Sayreville Singers
I cant get it outta my head


adjlfakdj

and now I see that damn commercial everytime
I turn on the TV


gayyy



anywhoo.
i feel like being analytical now
care to join me?

lets go!
:]

1yearanniversary

on blogger
thurssdayyy

i should be obnoxious and post like
8920819023898904829
new posts! :]

so make me promises

the kind i know you cant keep
and while im losing my mind
i hope you're home finding sleep
'cuz you and i both know that thats not the case
because that look on your face
gives all your secrets away.

I'm just sort of having one of those amazing weeks
one right after the other
and I have this feeling
deep into the pit of my stomach
that something AWESOME
is going to happen.

should i be scared?

i mean lets look through this blog
and tally up my amazing skill at predicting
those kinds of things

not exactly a great record


but i have hope.

and hope.
is good.

:]


btw.

5 years tomorrow! :]

Merry Christmas...

i could care less.

uhm i have something to say.

1499
5254
143

4 is a constant
^_^

i would LOVE for you to figure it out.

Chicago is so Two Years Ago

You want apologies?
Well you might hold your breath
Until your breathing stops forever
[Forever]
The only thing you'll get
Is this curse on your lips
I hope they taste of me forever
[Forever]

which reminds me...

I saw Val and Chris
last week
for the first time in
4 years?

crazy to even think that its been
that long since i've seen my father's "family"

I've missed them both so much
and I've always looked up to them
since i was little

Chris has a wife now
and a beautiful baby girl.
[[ but i see his eyes and i realize that the more and more he does. the more he looks like my father. i cant stand to hear that he's working all the time just to keep up with everything and the heavyset look in his eyes has stayed on him. tattooed to show how much he works for his family.
it makes him look much older than he is.]]


Valerie is still the same in her young ways
and i love that.
she's always been fun and free
she's also married and has a nice
apartment

but i wonder.
how is Martha?
i havent seen her in i dont know how long
how is Dina?
does she still hate me?
is she still mad that i dont call/talk to/see her?
even if she abandoned me?
and my father?

i dont want to complicate my life with them.
but i dont want either of them to die angry

its not my place.
i shouldnt care.

We're off to see the wizard...the wonderful wizard of...Weddings?

blah blah blahhhhh

this whole
my mom's getting married in september thing
is much busier than i thought

haha

we're going dress shopping today
this time for the bridesmaids
since my mom already got her dress.


hmmm.
im so happy for my mom.
:]

i guess to make up for

the dream i had the other day

[[that stupid ass dream that inspired the poem below...]]


the night before last
i had an amazing dream


that just
made up for the one before.

:]

Guess what?

almost a year on blogger!

w00t!

:]

wow have i changed

ha ha.

A Band In Hope

is an amazing album

[[ by the matches ]]

and no that is not the album papercut skin is on

[[ thats Decomposer ]]


anyywhoo

i just love this band because of

their constant play on words
such as the title of their new cd

A Band In Hope <3
[[ abandon hope ]]


its pretty great <3

ilovethissong<3

The Matches:: Papercut Skin<333

Day out, day in
It's the alarm versus me
and the snooze button wins.
I've been waking all my life
to become what I'm going to be.
I'm a crow, la da da da da da
A headstone

Day out, day in
and begin again

Day out, day in
recycle bins
cash out, cash in
debit pins
day out, day in
the paper cuts my skin again
skin again

Cash out, cash in
I can burn all I earn
on some weakness or whim
without thinking
I'm a mark for their marketing plans
I'm Americancer
A Myspace romancer

Cash out, cash in
and begin again

Day out, day in
recycle bins
Cash out, cash in
debit pins
Day out, day in
the paper cuts my skin again
skin again

Day out, day in
Vitamins
Get out, get in
Vicodin
Day out, day in
the paper cuts my skin again
skin again

All ye, all ye, come home free
Ollie Ollie oxen free
Day in, day out
I call time out

All ye, all ye, come home free
Ollie Ollie oxen free
Day in, day out
I call time out
I call time out

Give out, give in
If a man's hands show his trade does it suit me then
This papercut skin that makes me wince with each hand
I'm required to
shake,
shake,
shake,
shake

Day out, day in
recycle bins
cash out cash in
debit pins
Day out, day in
the paper cuts my skin again
skin again

Day out, day in
Vitamins
Get out, get in
Vicodin
Day out, day in
the paper cuts my skin again
skin again
skin again,
skin again

I call time out
Ollie Ollie oxen free

If dreams were reality

If my dreams were real
I would go crazy
being chased by vacuum cleaners
and people stealing Charmin Ultra
from shop-rite

If my dreams were real
I would find $800
in a bag under my deck

If my dreams were real
I would meet my great grandfather
even though he's dead
and taken to the places he said
he cherished

If my dreams were real
i would watch you fall down
an endless flight of stairs

If my dreams were real
i would have been
Shot
Drowned
chased
attacked

If my dreams were real
you would hug me
hold me
love me
kiss me

but they're not.

My dreams are still
and forever will be
My dreams


and for that.
im glad.

sometimes dreams
shouldnt come true.

ilovetheshowNewAmsterdam

The world grows smaller
But the memories grow larger.



that makes me happy
^_^

hmm..

what a day.
just got back from spending time with my daddy.

we went to breakfast then for a drive
and finally,
a walk in Nomahegan park <3


im kinda tired actually.
i woke up early so i could get ready for him.

i feel kinda blehh
and mom seems to be in a weird mood.

but maybe she had a long day too.
im not really in the mood for going shopping for a
bridesmaid dress right now.

i dont like shopping.

especially not today.
i just kinda wanna chill.
y'kno?

but what can ya do
my mom's mind is set on that
so


bridesmaid dress?
here we go!

wow. i mean. WOW

i love getting comments from Brazilian companies i have never heard of


hahahahha

you know the ones that post on blogs like these to get customers


and if they really do like this blog
as much as that generic message says

DON'T ADVERTISE ON IT!

kthxbye.
:]

dont you just hate

having japanese songs stuck in your head....
especially since you dont know the lyrics?!
im just sayin...

uhm.
so yeah i officially love spring break<3


lol..


i have done nothing all day but watch movies

and some anime called Blood+
on youtube


so yeah.

lifes pretty damn good



now. im gonna go to sleep

have some damn good dreams


and tomorrow im gonna spend time

with my daddy :]

Let me tell you about the love I saw in their eyes.

Because its the same love you see in mine.

My grandmother gave me two pictures of her parents
for me to scan so i can send them to my aunts

as i looked at those pictures i could see the light in their eyes

and i wondered

what was the story of Batic and Peping Go?

was he in love with her?
and why did he leave?
did he love the woman he was arranged to marry?
or did he still love the woman he left in the Philippines

i guess ill never know.

i think i feel a story coming on.
im gonna shower now
then maybe.

ill create a story of how i hope it would have been.
from the love in their eyes.


i wish i knew them.
:(

Shut up and kiss me like the antedote is under my tongue.

We have to take our clothes off
&&we have to party all night

im in such a good mood today :]
im not quite sure why
but i think i have an idea :p


haha.
ITS THURSDAY!

one of my favorite days of the week

lalala.

and if it ends today
well i'll still say that you
shine brighter than anyone<3

Give love. Then take it away.

okay so the girls just left
and im so glad

like dont get me wrong i love them and everything


but that girl
annoys the shit outta me


i seriously just wanted to punch her in the face


but whatever.

so yeah
rice?

oh wow.

i just read every single post for june of 07
[cuz it had the most]
that was the funniest shit ever

im so fuckin random.

on another note

i have an idea for a couple of books
one i just came up with about me and my friends


and another that ive wanted to write since
wow. since as long as i can remember
about my mom, my godmother and myself.
and our crazy relationships with each other and with others.

im so excited
i really cant wait.
i think ill start now :]

:]

so yeah
so much has gone on since i last wrote.

the musical was an amazing success :] [[w00t strakosh]]

and now its so weird that im actually home after school.
i havent been home in like forever
its like woah!
home?! what is this thing called home
like w00sh!

lalalala.
my toes are cold.



oh damn this guy is hott :]
who is he?!
[[lol im watching ellen]]
ryan scheckler? [[[some skater dude]]
like holy shit :]

wow.

haha. anywayyy

im hyper :]

<333

Noriko said, "Shogo. I know i am repeating myself, but i have to say it. If i were Keiko, this is what I'd say." She looked up at the sky, now tinged with orange and continued, "Please live. Talk, think, act. And sometimes listen to music..." She stopped then she continued, "Look at paintings at times to be moved. Laugh alot, and at times cry. And if you find a wonderful girl, then you go for her and love her."
Shogo listened without a word.
Noriko continued, "Because thats the Shogo I really loved." She looked over at Shogo. She seemed slightly embarrassed, but added, "Thats what I would have said."

Battle Royale<333
[[ pg. 560 ]]

WOAH!

holy shit where did that come from

hahahahah


when did i get so romantic?
dammit i should stop watching cheezy movies with my mom.


hahah


anyway


i should go.
i think this is enough to push the other blog down.
far enough that only i will know it exists

oh and also.

another reason im glad for them.
:]


because it means that someday

ill find someone too<3

and he'd love me unconditionally
and id love him too.

and the reason.....

is that i dont think im ready for what will happen if he does read it
its gonna be really awkward i know

jeez.
im like the queen of awkwardness


:]
but anyway
i only posted it to let it out in words.
and maybe someday
when i look through all these pages and i read them.
i'll smile and say

"wow was i a loserr"
[[ hahahaha... you were waiting for something witty weren't you ]]

okay so

its most def. crazy that its already 2008
and that its been an entire year since we fought

jeez how crazy is that
but w/e
the point is that
im happy they're together
because i have never seen him so happy in the times that ive known him
and now

shes perfect for him and i get that
and its nice because i dont love him anymore
and it doesnt hurt

:]
i've always been genuinely happy for them
[[ though i dont think they know that ]]
but its true.

and although i know i should say this to them.
its really not my place.

i dont like trying to avoid him
but i know that if we are friends again
that when he graduates this year

im gonna be sad. :[
and i dont want to be sad.
because

im actually very very happy now :]
and lately ive been having the most amazing time of my life

2007 was a great healing year
and 2008 is just :]

i mean seriously 2 weddings so far
my godmother's parents anniversary wedding
and my mom and vincents :]

[[ im performing at both too ]]

well anyway
im now gonna post an obnoxious amount of blogs when i get home from rehearsal
[[ play=funny girl. me=ensemble/mrs strakosh understudy ]]

because as much as i want him to read what i wrote.
i really really dont.

sing us a song

and we'll sing it back to you
we could sing our own
but what would it
be without you?

:]

happy new year

lol plus 11 days